Moments of fear
Her eyes were red, her make-up smudged and tears streamed down her cheeks as Nathalie stormed into the living room. She dropped onto the couch like a wet sack, banged her fist into the nearest cushion with a little cry of rage and then buried her head in her hands, sobbing.
“Hey… Sweetie”, I asked cautiously. “What’s wrong?” Nathalie sobbed out loud again and it took her a moment to stammer out the words: “I-I… I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this.” She was about to repeat the words again when I asked, “What, Nathalie? What happened?”
Nathalie slowly lifted her head. She still had tears in her eyes. I took her in my arms and she laid her head on my shoulder. Warm tears dripped down my neck. I gave her a moment, then asked again what had happened. Nathalie released herself from the embrace, looked at me and began to tell me in a tear-choked voice.
“I didn’t want to hurt him, really.” I looked at her questioningly. “Hurt him? Hurt who? How?”
“Mario. I didn’t… I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to…” She paused as she realized she was starting to stammer again. She took a deep breath and continued. “The dress you gave me”, Nathalie continued. “I just wanted to put it on again. I wanted to look at myself in the mirror because the dress is so beautiful. Because it’s such a lovely gift. But then - when I had put the dress on and wanted to stand in front of the mirror - I couldn’t move my arms. Every time I tried, all I could feel was a twinge in my shoulder. Then Mario came into the room. “Well, what are you doing?”, he asked me. “Please help me, darling - I can’t move my arms”, I begged him. And well - he came rushing to me and just said: “Oh dear - sprained? We’ll get to that in a minute.” He then asked me to just sit down while he held me tightly in his arms. Then he grabbed my shoulder and pushed it back. “Are you okay now?”, he asked me. But I still couldn’t move my arms. “No! Help!”, I said pleadingly. Then he asked me to lie down on the floor. He leaned over me, pressed on my shoulder here and there, pulled it, moved my arm. But nothing helped. And at some point, he also looked desperate and became more and more restless. And then he suddenly had a look of pain in his eyes. He sat down next to me, facing away from me. And then I heard him say quietly to himself again and again: “Oh damn, that hurts! Ah!” Then he walked out of the room. Just like that. I was lying on the floor, unable to move my arms.”
Nathalie paused for a moment. I took her hands firmly in mine. “But he came back, didn’t he?”, I asked.
“Yes, he came back shortly afterwards”, she replied. “He sat down on the floor with me again and just said: ‘We have to wait for the painkiller to take effect. Only then can I continue.” Amber. He had to take a pain pill! What was I doing? He tried to help me and probably hurt himself in the process. Just because I’m too stupid to put on a dress!" Tears tried to make their way out again. I gently ran my hands through her hair and then wiped the tears away.
With a look of gratitude and love, she continued: “He could barely even hold his water bottle when he wanted a drink while we were sitting there on the floor. I could see his arms shaking. At some point, he helped me to sit down. He pulled and tugged at the dress - no, Amber: it’s not broken - and pulled it down to my stomach. Then he laid me down again, stretched my arms out in both directions, kept pushing and twisting - and at some point he just said: “Here, try it again.” And I was actually able to move my arms again. He then helped me to take the dress off completely. But he didn’t say another word. He just put this cuddly suit here for me, put it on and then left the room again. He then just said out of the door that he was going to take a bath to relax his muscles.”
Nathalie’s look now became very sad. ‘Amber,’ she said, ‘I’ve never seen him like this before. His look was - well: so different. His voice wasn’t so gentle anymore." Then she sobbed again, and with a hint of fear and panic, she burst out: “Amber! Will Mario send me away now? I’m scared, Amber! I’m scared that I have to go now! But I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose you!” Then she buried her face in her hands again and just mumbled: “I’m such an idiot!”
“Oh sweetie”, I said. “Don’t!” I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me. We sat like that for a moment. “You know”, I began. “Once, I just wanted to tease Mario a bit. Tease him, make fun of him. He wanted to put something nice on me and lifted my arm. But I just didn’t move my arm, I moved the other one. Then he just said: “What are you doing now?” and pushed the other arm down again. Then he tried again and I lifted the other arm again. At some point, he got fed up and pressed my other arm firmly against him so that I couldn’t move at all. It almost hurt a bit. Yes - and another time I just held on to the banister when he wanted to accompany me into the living room. On the way down, I ran my hand over every single rung in the banister and took the door frame with me, clapping my hands. “Music in the house”, I said to him. But he didn’t really find that funny either.”
I paused for a moment. I could totally understand how Nathalie felt. “When I look back, it was just really stupid and mean of me.” I pulled her hands away from her face and lifted her head so that she could look me in the eye. “When he sat down here with me in the living room, the mood was so low that the first penguins wanted to come in.” A slightly amused smile played around Nathalie’s lips. “There you go - that’s fine”, I thought. “But in the evening - after dinner - he snuggled up again anyway and just told me that he didn’t think it was so great today. And that was the end of it.” And with a wink, I said to her: “And look, sweetie - I’m still here. There’s no way he’d send you away. And even if he did - and that’s downright impossible - he’d get a good talking to from me! Don’t worry about it. You’ll see.”
After a while, Mario also came into the living room. He didn’t say a word and his look was tired and exhausted. He sat down on the couch and turned around - with his back to us. There was suddenly an eerie silence that you could have heard a pin drop. Nathalie immediately looked at me again, filled with fear. I tried to calm her down with a gentle hand gesture. I succeeded - luckily, I was able to hide the fact that I was also feeling a little insecure. After a while, Mario turned around. He had actually dozed a little. He turned his head in Nathalie’s direction, looked at her briefly and closed his eyes again. Then he put his hand on her thigh and suddenly you could see a hint of a satisfied smile on his face. As he continued to doze lightly, Mario gently stroked Nathalie’s leg with his fingers. Over time, he lay closer and closer to her until finally his head was resting on her lap. “Well, you see”, I whispered barely audibly to Nathalie. There was a great sense of relief in her eyes.
When night finally fell, Mario got up and said: “Please don’t be angry with me, but I’m going to bed alone now. I’m exhausted and could hardly support or lift you. Please don’t take this the wrong way - I love you both!” “Sleep well!”, Nathalie and I said almost in unison. And I added: “Get some rest! We’ll chill out here for a while.” Just before Mario left the living room , he turned around again and said: “Oh, and: Nathalie… don’t worry about the dress. I’ll either manage to sew a zipper into it. Or we’ll find you a dress that’s easier to put on and take off and looks just as good on you.” He came back, gave us both another kiss on the mouth and forehead and then went upstairs.
After a while, Nathalie took my hand. “I’m so happy to have you”, she said to me. “I love you too, sweetheart”, I replied. And suddenly I understood all the more why Mario had brought Nathalie to us. I imagined what it would have been like if this mishap had happened to me. Without Nathalie, I wouldn’t have had anyone to cry with.
We talked for a while longer and it was well past midnight when tiredness finally overcame us and we fell asleep arm in arm.